Don’t Settle

All the single ladies, all the single ladies. Tell me you  didn’t just sing that in your head. You’re welcome. Unfortunately, being single doesn’t always feel as hype worthy as Beyonce makes it out to be. It’s hard out in these streets. Hahaha. No, but really. Being single can be one of the most uncomfortable things to be. Personally, I contribute a big part of my own singledom to my lack of experience with dating. I grew up in a small town where we mated like penguins. You find someone you love, probably someone you went to grade school with, and you get married by, if not before, the ripe age of 21.

Spoiler alert! I’m 37! Yeah, some what of a late bloomer I guess. I don’t date. I get boyfriends. Unfortunately, scratch that and praise Jesus, none of those boyfriends manifested into a husband. Well, recently I started to question if I’d ever be a wife. This game is getting old. So I called my aunt and told her about my entertaining the thought of getting a roommate and heading down to the local shelter to adopt a handful of cats. #Futurecatlady. She laughed and reminded me that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me and that I needed to get clear on some things. What things?! The things I want in a husband. I know exactly what I want in a husband. Duh? Idris Elba! Wait, he’s not available…. There goes my perfect man!

Again, she laughed and told me about the pastor at her church in L.A. She spoke on him and his wife and how amazing they were. She said and I quote, “Girlllllll you NEED to read her book!” Ahhh, read. A book? Now, you’re speaking my language. So in the midst of the conversation I pull up my amazon prime and order my book, come through with that two day shipping! Best investment ever.

I had NO idea how I was about to fall in love. The words in this book resignated in my soul. Who knew I was doing it all wrong?! As they say, it takes one to know one and this woman was my spirit animal. Dating is sometimes our search for safe, but safe isn’t always that. Safe is sometimes a fancy way of saying “I settled”. I’m now years until the game and have had more relationship talks than Maury has had paternity tests, so I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the phrase ‘at least I know what he’s about.’  when it comes to staying in a relationship past its expiration date. This book goes beyond romantic relationships, though,  and talks about relationships in general. How many times did that “friend” allow you to be in your sunken place because they were there too and it was in misery that you all bonded? How many times did you welcome that family member into your home even though you knew they were just nasty?! How many times did you hang out with that coworker you didn’t really like because well, who wants to go to happy hour alone?

I have never left a book being like…. YESSSSSSSSS…… before this one. It touched on more than one nerve. While I thought I was going to get a husband guide, I instead, got a life guide! This book has forced my hand at some major reflections. I have created new patterns. I have FORCED myself out of my comfort zone, in general, and have rubbed my eyes to make sure some of the opportunities that I’m seeing come my way aren’t a figment of my imagination. I have been passing my copy of this book around in my friend circle like it’s a bootleg movie of Idris that hasn’t been released yet! (I did mention I’m in love with that man right, so the fact that I’d be sharing him speaks volumes!). I will say this before I tell you ALL the book…If you read no other book this year, you really need to pick this up. We all deserve to manifest our dreams and a BIG part of that is walking out on safe.

I’ll leave this here for you 🙂



  1. Nona
    January 23, 2018 / 7:57 am

    Love this and have been in that place more than once – thanks for sharing

      January 26, 2018 / 3:56 pm

      Thank you for reading! And yes, I think we’ve all been there a time or two! It’s all about getting out 🙂

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